Sweet Moment Captured by My Pocket Camera

Ode to The Nice Guys [doesn't] Finish Last

    Crap. I have been singing NICE GUYS—KEVJUMBA/NIGAHIGA/CHESTERSEE song this all day. It's horrible but yet so good!
     "Nice guys finish last, that's why i'll treat you like trash, it's not what i really wanna do. But, you only date bad guys so, i'll give it my best try to, treat you the way you want me to.

    I never open a door or pull out a chair. You can tell me how your day was but i don't really care. And if you ever get cold you'll just have to hack it, cause i'd be cold too if i gave you my jacket. Like WHOA, you ain't sittin up front, front is for the homies you can sit in the trunk. I never answer my phone, whenever you call it. And when the waiter brings the bill, i never reach for my wallet.

    And Ima BEAT you! at every competition. Going out with the girls you better get my permission. Wait no, i take that back, you can't go, house is on tonight. And that's my favorite show! "Do i look fat in this dress?" Hell yeah you do! Wait lemme speak your language cows go moo!

    But behind the scenes she means the world to me. I wanna tell her that she's beautiful, and show her that she's loved. Hold her hand when she's scared, tell her how much i care... But that won't win her heart BECAUSE.... Nice guys finish last, that's why i'll treat you like trash, it's not what i really wanna do. But, you only date bad guys so, i'll give it my best try to, treat you the way you want me to."

    Koko said the nice guys that finish last, it's just like black knight or something that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl's every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style. Oh wait did i mention clothing style, yes!

    This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they're at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don't end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

    This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn't worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you'd ever orchestrated in your game to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we're just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you're nice like that.

    The nice guys don't often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don't seem to get laid as often as they should. And i wish i could logically explain this trend, but i can't. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he's too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he's not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, i couldn't possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. But one thing i can say is that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn't last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

    So, until those girls are found, i propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and i know you're sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.


1 Love Letters:

  1. Believe it or not, I used to be one of them...and yeah, it hurts, to always be "number two"

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